just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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