i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
