I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize