It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
