Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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