i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
