K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
