What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
