the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
