you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
