yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
