I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
