New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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