she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize