No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
