So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
