My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
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