One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
