Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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