I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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