i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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