i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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