I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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