when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
