I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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