i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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