who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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