I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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