i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
