i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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