so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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