Ambien. No doubt about it.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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