im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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