The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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