She is in my trunk
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
