i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
