And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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