My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
