hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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