mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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