and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize