I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
