I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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