You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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