Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
