doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
