Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
