I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
