I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
