that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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