pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
