her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
