i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize