im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
