She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize