so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
