i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
