dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
