I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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