Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
