went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
