i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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