The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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