I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
