i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
