take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
