My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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