I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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