they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize