So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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