One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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