I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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