dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
