There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
