A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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