We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
