I cockslap morals
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
