I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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