Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
