is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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