One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think I died a long time ago.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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