if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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