I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
