Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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