His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize