I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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