are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
