So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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