i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
