There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
