I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
