mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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