I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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