I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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