White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
