Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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