Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
