Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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