Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
